Forlorn Disillusionment II

Forlorn Disillusionment II

Why must cupid shoot his trajectory in my direction? All my life my soul has been searching and never finding, seeking but never gaining. It's still the same, this sense of malaise, this daze, this fog, this unbridled, never subsided grog I'm under. I fall for a guy, head over heels, I think I can sense that he feels the same way, but I set myself up for defeat. I wish I could take a seat, away from the arena, away from the gladiator battlefield of hearts. But I can't. I seek still for stars in the eyes of a man whom I know I'll never find. I don't understand why I can't keep a man. I'm beautiful, I'm sensitive, and kind, witty, and charming. It is it just my lot in life? Do I scare them away with my gumption for love when all they desire is lust? Feeling disillusioned towards the entire scenario of casual fellatio. That's never what I wanted, I desire something more, something concrete. Something more than just chemistry under the sheets.